Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Jill Roth-Gutman back to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.
Imagine yourself having a relaxing meal among fellow lawyers with whom you have something in common other than attending law school and taking the bar exam. When I started down the road of my legal career almost 20 years ago, I thought it was impossible to find such a community. I started my profession as a government attorney, and many of us mostly kept to themselves, rarely socializing outside of work hours. I also had children a few years into my career, and I didn’t know of any working-mom groups, especially lawyer-mom groups to encourage and connect with in a similar stage of life. To my surprise, I am now part of more than one community, somewhat because I have my own firm but also because lawyer-mom communities do exist if you know where to find them.
Bar Associations
The first community — the route I pushed back on 20 years ago after going to bar events as a young attorney, but am now part of — is the more traditional route. Twenty years ago, I found myself one of the few female attorneys in a room and was often the youngest by years. I didn’t fit into the ol’ boys club. About two years ago, I decided to revisit the idea of joining the local and New Jersey State Bar Association after seeing how much the faces of those practicing had changed over the years. I specifically became more active in the NJSBA Solo and Small Firm Section. The group is not only lawyer moms but a diverse group of lawyers that multitask always and offer collaboration on practical solutions and working efficiently. There is a listserv where members post important changes in the law, ask questions, and offer advice. I found myself even picking the phone up to ask for help from a few more-veteran attorneys — help that is priceless. After joining, I kicked myself that I didn’t join prior to opening my firm. I would have saved countless hours.
Lawyer Moms And Social Media
A colleague added me to a private Facebook group for statewide lawyer moms. It didn’t even dawn on me that a group like this would exist until I launched my own firm. In 2004, I was attending law school in Boston when Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook. It is safe to say that most Facebook groups weren’t up and running yet, especially a group as on point as a female lawyer group. However, in the past few years, I’m not sure how I managed to stay oblivious to these online social communities. No one I knew was talking about or participating in them.
Members post parenting questions, and ask for assistance on just about everything in and out of the legal field. A few months into joining, a mom from the group hosted a mom’s night out dinner. Since I was trying to branch out and network, I decided to go. The introvert in me was a little nervous, but they embraced me as if we’d known each other for years! I literally laughed for two hours straight, feeling surprisingly refreshed and energized after returning home.
A month later, I couldn’t stop thinking about that night. I glanced over my calendar and realized all of my planned social events revolved around school, my children’s activities, and their sports. So, I did what any socially deprived mom would do: I contacted the colleague who invited me to the group to see if we could schedule another meet up and invited the statewide group to breakfast at a restaurant I wanted to try. Four women showed up, and just as with the previous dinner, we were a natural fit. The conversation was easy: we were all moms, all lawyers, all living in the same geographical area, all trying our best.
A few months went by and I reached out to the same four women again. We posted an invitation in the Facebook group and this time nine of us attended. We picked another date, no pressure, informal, and low cost since everyone pays their own way. Whoever can attend, attends. At one breakfast, the attire ranged from yoga pants to power suits. Since we aren’t on the bench, no judgment is allowed.
In this demanding profession, we bond over staying on top of our cases, households, and families. We multitask at the office and at home. We exchange battle stories, share tips and show support for one another. We create a space where working moms can laugh, share stories, ask for advice, and remind each other we are not alone.
Building a supportive community of like-minded lawyer moms isn’t about where we went to law school, who’s going to become partner, or competing with one another. It’s about having empathy for one another, asking for advice one moment, and brainstorming how to solve a complex legal issue the next.
Creating Community
Similar communities exist all over the country, from the traditional bar association to the Facebook legal communities. If you don’t live close to like-minded colleagues, joining a Facebook group is a worthwhile option to ward off any feelings of isolation and provide valuable connections. The MothersEsquire group is a good place to start! MothersEsquire helped me launch my business, connected me to my work wife/accountability partner, and introduced me to one of my favorite parenting books, “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood” by Dr. Lisa Damour. For those living in New Jersey, feel free to reach out on LinkedIn. I’d be happy to connect you to a statewide group, especially if you are a solo or lawyer mom trying to do it all/juggle everything. I promise we are all partners.
Jill Roth-Gutman opened her niche family law and estate planning firm, Roth-Gutman Law in Voorhees, New Jersey in 2022. She works with a diverse group of families and individuals on wills, powers of attorney, special needs guardianships, adoptions, consultations for foster parents, and being a Guardian ad Litem in contested custody cases. In 2016, Jill became a Child Welfare Law Specialist, certified by the National Association of Counsel for Children, a credentialing organization approved by the ABA. She has been practicing law since 2006. When not practicing law, Jill enjoys volunteering, road tripping and spending time with family and friends. More about Jill can be found on her website www.rothgutmanlaw.com and she can be reached at jill@rothgutmanlaw.com.
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