Biglaw Associate Writes Taylor Swift-Inspired ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Departure Memo

(Photo by Kevin Mazur/TAS24/Getty Images for TAS Rights Management )

Lateral moves are a regular part of Biglaw life, and as with anything built into the culture of a firm, there are certain traditions built around the process — the notice period, the handing off of cases, the goodbye drinks, and of course, the farewell email.

Now, some associates take the departure memo as an opportunity to burn their bridges or show some personality at long last. Today’s departure memo comes from the latter camp, and a colleague at the firm in question — Dorsey & Whitney, the firm that puts the 100 in the most recent Am Law 100 — describes it as “the best last day email I have ever seen.”

Picture this: A choose your own adventure game with Taylor Swift lyrics sprinkled throughout. This associate must’ve been thinking about this email for a fortnight. Are you ready for it?!

All:

If you are receiving this email, it is because of two things: first, I have enjoyed meeting you and/or practicing with you, and second to let you know that today is my last day at Dorsey. If anyone who isn’t on this email asks about it, just tell them “you know why you weren’t on the list…” I’m mostly kidding!

Anyways, like most mid-westerners I hate saying goodbyes – so I figured the easiest way to say it was to not say it at all and instead let you write my goodbye for me like one of those choose your own adventure books.

After [1], I have decided to leave Dorsey & Whitney in order to [2]. While this was not an easy decision for me, [3]. I have [4] my time here and will [5]. Dorsey has been [6] and I will always [7]. I look forward to [8] and wish you all [9].

[10],

[Redacted]

[1] (a) thoughtful consideration, (b) the flip of a weighted coin I bought at a magic shop, (c) a spur of the moment decision, or (d) having a dream of some epiphany.

[2] (a) take a position leading [redacted] Global M&A, (b) be able to have a normal sleep schedule, (c) enjoy my lottery winnings I have kept secret until now, or (d) begin again with no more battles every day doing timesheets.

[3] (a) I feel it is the right one, (b) the Magic 8 Ball hasn’t done me dirty yet, (c) it was easier than it is for [redacted] get people to lead the corporate forum, or (d) I tried to pick my job ’til the job picked me.

[4] (a) thoroughly enjoyed, (b) tolerated…, (c) already forgotten most of, or (d) had the time of my life fighting dragons during.

[5] (a) miss all of you I have come to know, (b) eagerly await having a client lunch with you, (c) be amazed at how quickly everything with my name is removed from the Dorsey website exactly at 5pm today, or (d) hold on to the memories as they will hold onto you.

[6] (a) a great firm where I was able to continue to grow my legal career, (b) better than Jones Day I hear, (c) very punctual with my paychecks, or (d) a place that has drug me headfirst, fearless.

[7] (a) value my experience here and be thankful for the opportunity that was given to me, (b) pray that [redacted] keeps sending me salmon for the holidays, (c) wonder what the finance guys who came in once a month and were in the office next to me actually did during the rest of the month because they spent literally the entire day, every time, when they were in talking about video games and professional wrestling without even turning on their computers, or (d) be enchanted and encouraged I will never, ever, ever have to do my timesheets again.

[8] (a) seeing many of you outside of work, (b) getting out of here and taking a vacation, (c) attending the corporate counsel symposium as a client and asking the questions I was too embarrassed to ask as an associate, or (d) it being 2 a.m. and sleeping instead of cursing a client’s name.

[9] (a) the bests of luck in your future endeavors, (b) had gotten me a nice bottle of whiskey as a going away present, (c) will appreciate this email and not report me to the Bar over it, or (d) never go out of style.

[10] (a) Evermore, (b) All Too Well, (c) Let the Games Begin, or (d) It’s Time to Go.

In all seriousness, best wishes and thank you for everything! My new email at [redacted] will be [redacted] and my cell number in my signature block stays the same, so don’t be a stranger.

Forever Out-of-Dorsey’s-Office Haiku

The last day of work.
Ironic, because it is the
First day of vacay.
Best regards,

P.S. I was paid $20 to include all of the Taylor Swift references for all of the last selections.

P.P.S. I’ll be in the office if anyone wants to do a final lunch today.

Best of luck to this associate at their new firm. It certainly seems like Dorsey is losing a very creative legal mind!

Staci Zaretsky is a senior editor at Above the Law, where she’s worked since 2011. She’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email her with any tips, questions, comments, or critiques. You can follow her on X/Twitter and Threads or connect with her on LinkedIn.